.:Returning Slowly:.

Smiles to everyone…

It has been a while since I have written a blog post and I am trying to get back to the swing of things slowly. I guess, I need to tell everyone the story about my slowing down on my SL stuff.  Well, here it goes:

A couple of weeks ago, I was doing a RL photography shoot with a family. Yes, I am a rl photographer :-p). I noticed that I was having sharp chest pains, but I just kept going. The pain had gotten worse and was unbearable so I took an aspirin followed by a nap.

I woke up feeling worse so I checked my blood pressure and realized it was 210/164. Feeling dizzy I was urged by my family and my SL family and friends to go to the hospital. I think I was talking to Kesh before I left.

I got to the ER and they noticed how I was leaning and holding my chest. My daughter told them that I had chest pains and I was rushed back to do a series of tests. They managed to get my pressure down. The ER doctor told me that my echo-cardiogram came back abnormal so they referred me to a cardiologist.

By the time I got home it was 2:00am and I had to get right back up for my appointment with the cardiologist. Walking in the hospital where I was born while I was experiencing the fear of dying here crossed my mind. The irony of that made my skin boil.

When I got in the cardiologist, I noticed that I was the youngest person there. The secretary asked me if I was bringing my parent. I told her no that I was there for myself. When I finally went in a male walked in and introduced himself. He was really cool and told me, “You are too young to have an echo like that honey, what is stressing you?”

We discussed a variety of subjects: my job, my photography, lacrosse, and how I was a college athlete.  After we talked, he said, ” I am going to do a heart cath.” My facial expression just dropped. I started to tear up but I held back because my daughter was there. I went to the waiting room so I could schedule the procedure and I started to cry to the point that I was just hurting all over.

I felt so weak. Like I was disappointment my kid because I was crying and I just couldn’t accept the fact that I was getting to the peak of aging with my diagnosis (which I am not going to talk about). I went to the back and the nurse said they needed to admit me because he was afraid that I might have a heart attack. I asked for them to allow me to go home so I could come back in the morning with my family because I didn’t want to leave her alone. I went home got my business in ordered and OMG, I cooked a lot because I could not have food after midnight. So I ate up a storm.

Forwarding the story a bit, got to the hospital and got on the cardio floor. The first thing I heard was you are the second  youngest person here on the floor today, we will make you neighbors. I got in the room and started to talk to some of my SL friends especially Brendan as he talked to me on video chat, looking my best. I started to smile while I was getting prepped. It was so embarrassing going to prep because the guy was a nurse and he had to wax my area just to wax it again.

My time came and I was rolled to the room and I got nervous. When I get nervous, I tend to go to bathroom a lot. I know TMI. I wanted the opportunity to go back to my room to hug my kid. I got back in the room and started to cry again. I cried and I cried. Luckily they allowed my mom to come back to calm me down before they put me in the room to get me completely ready. I was talking to the nurses as they showed me what they were going to do and then I was out.

I woke up lying  flat and unsure what happened and why I was feeling this way. My mom just came to me to kiss my head and said, “You were sick, baby. I am happy we got you in.” Well, the doctor came in and told me my heart was stiffening up and I was days from a heart attack and I needed stents.

The pain was my heart hitting my chest cavity. I was like wow and just turned my head. I was mad and upset that my body wanted to do things that I was not ready for.

I remained over night and I was tired as hell when I got home. But, I had to stay with my brother since it was easier for me to access things. Walking up stairs just doing anything in general was tiring. I do have the diagnosis of having a failing heart, but I am not going to claim it.

I do have wonderful support in RL as well as a wonderful network in Second Life of FAMILY and friends.  ( I am so tearing up from this post). I have to say my family in SL has been so supportive and always there since my recovery. I have no idea what I would have done without that. I just want to avoid stress and people being pushy in both worlds because it is time for me to look out for myself.  Right now, I am healing and taking it slow.

Since, I am unable to do pictures at this time, I do have wonderful photographer friends who are helping me with my blogging. HEHEhe. One has been my hubby who did these wonderful pictures of me and him rocking my nephew shirt. I was determined to get my female shape into this shirt cause I LOVED IT SO MUCH and guess what , I did it! LOL! Looks hot on me too.

Please take time to pray for him too, Josiah Lee Baxter. He is going through something as well and I know how he feels. I know this was a long post, but consider this for me. Next time, you think of a charitable organization, think of the National Heart Association. I know Relay for Life is big, but people often forgets the parts of the body that keeps up functioning.

Until Next Time,
Tosha K.

STYLE CARD

T-SHIRT: ::JLB:: Apparel– Scoop Neck Tee
PANTS: .:Vive9:. Cotton Stretch Leggings in Chocolate
HAIR: TRUTH HAIR Jill

POSE: .::morphine::. pose set instability 1.7